In the 39th year of her life, C. Marie still had unfulfilled expectations. Her deepest desires felt like a maze, with no escape. Like many women, she always dreamed of finding a mate, an ideal co…
In the 39th year of her life, C. Marie still had unfulfilled expectations. Her deepest desires felt like a maze, with no escape. Like many women, she always dreamed of finding a mate, an ideal companion and someone her spirit desired. Yet, as the months flew by her 40th birthday was swiftly approaching on October 15, 2006, and still not a man in sight.
At eight years old C. Marie experienced a great loss. Her mother died leaving herself, her brother, and father behind. During those days, in her culture children were seen and not heard. Consequently, no one explained the death or even discussed it. In her little mind, she thought that her mother disappeared. Subsequently, she assumed all the motherly responsibilities from very early on.
Within a few years, C. Marie went to live with her aunt and uncle, who had four daughters. And just like her father, she remembers that her uncle possessed a captivating presence, educated, respected in the community and a man of stature. This shaped her framework and desire for the kind of husband she would eventually want. She told herself, he would be charismatic, admirable, and knowledgeable.
Now when she got older, the search for love and a lasting relationship seemed endless. Having the blueprint in her heart did not make the search any easier. Where could she find the man of her dreams? Who would fit the mold of her heart? Her 20’s came and went and when the late 30s arrived, she began to question her dream. Maybe it was too unrealistic? Maybe her standards were too high; surely, the man etched in her heart does not exist? Maybe she should settle and for years, she did. Until she lost everything that, she deemed important, like her independence, providing for herself and being in control of her life. In return, she connected to the spirit of God.
And then out of nowhere, she reunited with a college friend and they clicked instantly. As they spent time together, the young man promised her that he had found the one he had been searching for his entire life. That promise he shared with her father and declared that they were heading to the altar. Finally, in her late 30s, love had found her. Or so she thought.
Happiness in the heart. Butterflies in the stomach. The future no longer a mystery. Life was coming together, except she lived in Jamaica while he lived in the United States. Although the relationship was long distance, soon and very soon, she would be his Mrs. Such a comfort because the void of losing her mother and finding a partner for life would soon be filled. Filled with a sense of excitement, she would no longer be lonely, yes! Now she could experience all the feelings of love, acceptance, and someone to call her own.
But mysteriously as it began, her love story ended. The man of her dreams disappeared without a trace, never calling or visiting her again. Most certainly, she could not believe this was happening. Promises aborted. She cried for months. Questioning herself, lost in confusion, life in a tailspin. Like her broken heart, her future plans shattered right before her eyes!
Devastated, yet she made an intentional decision to mourn the loss for 4 months. She needed time to bury the corpse of what could have been. Like the death of a loved one, grieving was real, anger, denial, but she did not want to suffer forever. During the rawness of the pain, she swore never again, no more relationships. So many women shut themselves off from the possibility of ever finding a man who is the right fit. They cannot imagine ever finding a better fit than the last guy. But C. Marie knew somehow, that if her broken heart did not heal, it would soon turn into bitterness. So, she processed the pain. Her revelation of truth came, that this man and his many promises of the future, were just the counterfeit of her ideal man. Only time would tell if her better days lay ahead.
After that devastation, she began working in a hotel. After a few months on the job, one day the owner looked her straight in the eyes and announced, “I found the perfect man for you!” Reflexively, C. Marie became quite defensive but forced a smile. In her mind, the next man that came her way would never get into her heart; distance she told herself is safety.
When the day came for her to finally meet him, C. Marie remained cautious but still a little bit curious. Could there be a man just for her? No way, she shrugged off the thought. When he arrived, she didn’t know he was the guy. The first thing she noticed, he was well spoken and had such a captivating presence. People stopped at the sound of his voice. Could it be? Again she dismissed her thoughts. Then another bit of information seemed to throw ice-cold water at the prospects. He was single and not looking for a mate. Hearing that, C. Marie breathed a sigh of relief. But something else caught her attention, he treated the women around him with utmost respect and although she had her walls up, her ears perked up! He seemed like a distinguished man, lovely to have met him C. Marie tried to put him as far away as possible, out of her mind.
Then the company downsized and laid her off. Usually, this would have devastated her for she is accustomed to having her independence. For some reason, that back-to-back loss did not even faze her. During this time, the man who was not looking for a mate began asking about her. Soon the search turned into him pursuing her with much intensity.
Then it began, they started communicating… for hours and hours, like they knew each other forever. She found out he lost a parent at 5 yrs old. They noticed so many similarities between them, both plagued with life-altering losses, so they were uber-cautious in checking out each other. With each passing day, it became apparent to both of them that they could not fight the obvious and soon they lost the battle to stay apart. Subsequently, the two decided to give the relationship a chance.
He is a saxophonist and plays at events all over Jamaica. After a few months of them dating one Saturday, C. Marie escorted her GQ to a wedding where he was working. He introduced the song before playing he said, “When a man loves a woman, He marries her.” He repeated this three times and as she sat in the audience, he called her full name and asked her to marry him. After having all the guests at the wedding give them a standing ovation, she finally came out of the shock and said yes. This engagement was beyond anything she could ever dream, more than what she wanted, and everything she has never had. For her, nothing about this real love felt complicated. In fact, the way she sees it, he is more than her heart could ever desire.
The day before her 40th birthday, C. Marie and Seymour committed their hearts, emotions, spirits, and bodies to a love that their hearts had always known. His spirit recognized hers, connected, and responded to its call. This month, the couple celebrates 10-years of their spiritual bond, that will only continue to grow on a deeper and deeper level.
Are you feeling lost from a broken heart, which led to broken dreams? Are your defenses and walls up? It’s ok to mourn this death, have your proverbial funeral if you have to. But give it a time limit. C. Marie took 4 months. But we all heal differently. First month, face the pain, the disappointment, and the emotional PTSD. Next month, find an outlet to release the venom. Write & talk to purge. Share with someone you respect that will not plant seeds of bitterness or confusion. Next month, pray for healing, the revelation of release will come. Next month, read to rebuild, I guarantee someone has walked this road before no matter how lonely it feels. Whatever it takes to purge bitterness from your heart, do it! The lessons will soon be clear. And the walls will come down. The hurt will heal. Hurt is only a steel door that prevents your heart from inviting change and love into your life again. So after facing it head on and when you feel whole again, cautiously and intentionally give your heart permission to love again. The heart is resilient and very powerful, designed to give and receive love.
Have you passed the age that you expected to be married? Having serious doubts or probably given up completely on finding your spiritual mate and yes you read right, I did not say soul mate. We all have heard about those soul mates, most of which strangely are no longer together. Spiritual mates on the other hand, share a connection in spirit. Their desires are already imprinted on the recesses each other’s heart. When they meet each other, the only satisfactory response is to join in life and purpose, regardless of imperfections. They do not find each other by filtering people through natural expectations or superficial lists. The author of life, who predetermines the events of humankind, navigates them to each other. This author can reveal purpose and who fits into the pages of our journey. Noteworthy is this, your gift may not come in the packaging that you expect. But at the core is more than what you wanted and everything you’ve never had. Begin to discern people by the essence of their spirit, not by what is on the surface.
LOVE SONG (Excerpt)
At five years old, he lost his father.
At eight years old, she lost her mother.
It is a love so deep but lost forever.
Is there love out there? Deep love out there…
For that girl and little boy?
As they grew older, it did not get better,
The search for love brought one lost after another.
But deep inside they both desired…
Someone to love, a lover to hold.
Is there love out there? Deep love out there…
Where is the love for me?
Two hearts searching to find deep love that was lost
Searching for the fresh stream that flows through the heart
Searching for the oxygen to ignite the flame of life
Searching for the spirit already imprinted inside
Where is the love for you, for me?
At a wedding while the sax rang out,
The boy who lost his dad, now a man, shouts out,
When a man love a woman, He marries her,
When a man love a woman, He marries her,
When a man love a woman, He marries her,
Marry me, marry me.
Two hearts searching to find deep love that was lost,
Finding streams of love refreshing the heart,
Love like oxygen ignited the flames of life,
Finding the spirit mate imprinted inside,
There is love out there, always been there,
For the spirits searching and longing,
To connect beneath what’s on the surface.
I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go (Song of Songs 3:4)
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Ever felt ambushed by life? You are getting older and your body needs more attention than when you were in your 20s or 30s. Health issues are arising one after another. Are financial mountains looming over your head? Once independent, now ill parents need you to care for them, as they are not as strong. What about knowing its time to focus on your own passions but not knowing how to kick-start the next chapter?
Your feelings, appearances, the circumstances are oftentimes a wall and right beyond it, lies the green pastures of your future. Does your vision feel darkened? Is depression blocking your spiritual sight? It means your eyes and mind are consumed by “the wall”.
Remind your situation:
- I am not focusing on the appearance of lack.
- I am embracing my next and what is beyond the burdens.
- I have the creative life of God in me.
- I am moving forward.
- Open my spiritual eyes to see how I fit into the plan that is already in place for me.
- My mind is fortified and resolute.
- I have supernatural strength on the inside.
- This ambush will not have my focus! Reality is not what is happening now; I deliberately choose to focus on the blessings and favor that is about to overtake me.
- May this caustic atmosphere that’s looming shift to make way for streams of abundant life.
Action Challenge #1
Reading the reminders out loud, not just in your mind will activate its atomic force to affect change in your life. Find the courage to believe this and activate it with the spoken word.
As I look towards the horizon
The waves of my next level
Rushes to meet my feet
Waters of change, refreshes my
Ravaged, torn body & spirit
To the tide of my next …
“Yes, the LORD will give what is good; and our land will yield its increase.
Righteousness will go before Him, and shall make His footsteps our pathway.” (Psalms 85:12-13)